He should stop running nitrous!

A Minnesota man has pleaded guilty to driving his motorized La-Z-Boy chair while drunk. A criminal complaint says 62-year-old Dennis LeRoy Anderson told police he left a bar in the northern Minnesota town of Proctor on his chair after drinking eight or nine beers.
Prosecutors say Anderson's blood alcohol content was 0.29, more than three times the legal limit, when he crashed into a parked vehicle in August 2008. He was not seriously injured.
Police said the chair was powered by a converted lawnmower and had a stereo and cup holders.
Sixth Judicial District Judge Heather Sweetland stayed 180 days of jail time Monday and ordered two years of probation for Anderson. His attorney, David Keegan, did not immediately return a call for comment.

A Fall Sunday Morning - SUCKS! And A Developing Love Story

I won't go outside. I prefer my fresh air room temperature, maybe hot but not cold. Why the fuck do I live at a latitude so far north? Were my forefathers idiots? I can't wait for global warming to rectify the situation, I gotta move south.

I started the dating process again. I just wrote the funniest letter to a woman I am really looking forward to meeting. It's an award winner and justifies my impending behaviour. It's neat to have discovered the secret of being attractive to women. Humour, sometimes self-deprecating, a certain degree of humility and just enough self-confidence (ya gotta keep that shit in check!) alway's wins the day.

Here's the letter:

M,

So listen to this - I just thought of you. I was in church, singing a psalm, rejoicing in the love of sweet baby Jesus (despite being Jewish) and boom! You flooded my head. Despite suddenly being being confused about why I was wearing tefilin and a yarmulke in the confessional, I had two choices. Either tell the Father about what I invisioned happening Tuesday nite, or rush home and write you a funny flirty note. I woulda called you, but oh no, you wouldn't give me your f*.cking number. I trust you have a great day and a better tomorrow because the day after, you meet me. I look forward to it :)

----,---'--@

Norm

Harley VS Sportbike...and the winner is

So I drove a Harley. One of those loud obnoxious Sportster 1200's. It was comfortable and fun as hell. I even wore the dumb beanie cap helmet. Every time the sparkplug fires the straight pipe muffler blows out a BAH! BAHBAHBAHBAHBAH! VROOM! BAHBAHBAHBAHBAH and the bike gives you that unmistakable feel of a gargantuan V-twin between your legs.

My sportbike is different gnarly loud, stupid quick and handles like a hot knife cutting butter. But to ride it more than 20 minutes on the track or an hour breaking the sound barrier on country backroads is as comfortable as a 4-day bout of constipation.

My grandfather used to ride his Honda 70 scooter helmetless with his stoogie stuck in his suntan lotioned kisser.

The winner is neither, or all three. Having a dirty blonde on the back of your Harley is as great as blasting out of a corner apex on a racebike as airing your chest&nuts on a suburban street. I need to buy two more motorcycles and go live somewhere warm.

My Last Date And Tomorrows

My Thursday nite date was an enormous failure. This was a classic stinker that I'm humiliated about . If we go back through my last 4 dates, Each became longer term lovers. There was the Serb, who adored me, and then the nice French girl out in Mirabel that I merely stopped seeing because of the gross distance to get honey. And now I'm recovering from Hummingbird heaven. Who'd ever imagine a dude could find two lovers, each with a Hummingbird tattoo, one after the next? Spectacular, specially the one with the ass tat. I'll certainly remember worshipping her delectable tattoo'd tuchas until I die. So to go out and have such an ugly date was a reminder of the reality :)

Tomorrow I'm going out with a woman that is not yet free of the acrimony of her separation, let alone the shit that's gonna hit the fan through the balance of the divorce. But she's the sweetest, prettiest girl that I want to make feel wonderful. I am nervous that my very extraverted way's may blow her away. Yet I know how comforting it will be for her to find in me someone who truly understands how awesome it feels to be out, to feel carefree and to potentially feel cared for as a woman.

It would be amazing if I could be the one to take her post marriage virginity, just like how Picture Girl took mine. If not, just to take her and give her a hug and feel some of the pain melt away as someone of the opposite sex makes that shitty booboo go byebye, even for a fleeting moment.

2 Hummingbird Tattooed Chicks

My second last lover had a Hummingbird on her tuchas. It was for me not the sexiest inking I've had the pleasure of boinking up against, but damn fine on an exemplary tight ass. My Thursday nite lover pulled her shirt off to have a hummingbird situated on her left titty! What an awesome pair of beautiful little titties...oy vey!

Two in a row! That's hard to beat!

Please dear god for I deserve it and I hereby beg for you to answer my prayers, I gotta have these two cock-whores at the same time. If my prayers are answered, I'll reinstate my belief in you dear god back up to agnostic. May shit happen!

How dumb are you?

So I use these online date boards. You get pictures and profiles and if you wish, you can make contact. It's pretty straight forward really. You look at the picture and you try and imagine her lips around your cock. Then, you read how silly the profile is and you make a determination whether her personality and an evening of chitchat corresponds to the quality of the head you'll get in return during part 2 of the date.

Here's a pretty womans profile:

I am a very active person (some people would call me a little hyper-active), loving and affectionate, sometimes to a fault. Would one day like to meet my soul-mate if he exists. Love working out (good for the mind, body and soul). Don't like mind games. When I care and love somebody there are no holes barred. Want to be able to see the world. Very adventurous and like to take chances, will try anything once. If this sounds like it's up your alley you know what to do!!

Here's my pick-up lines:

S Momma,

You made one of the funniest typo's of all time. I know that nobodies ever said anything, which is sort of sad really given most folks here are fairly literate :) You wrote when you love and care....there are no holes barred, the expression is there are no holds barred. You just infered some awesome sexual entendre :) LOL

Despite the typo, or in spite of the typo, I'm hitting on you right here and now! I love your profile and you are just adorable. Should you have interest, I would be honoured to explore.

Norm

She hasn't fixed her profile yet, nor responded to me. It's sorta too bad, 'cause that's a chick I want on my arm :)

I Got An Idea For A Reality TV Show

They got the Batchelor, they got fatso Batchelor, They even got blind speed Batchelor.

I need a producer for Old Lecker Batchelor. And a pile of 18-25 year old sluts with a serious I like daddy complex all vying for a typical loser, like me.

Apply within.