How dumb are you?

So I use these online date boards. You get pictures and profiles and if you wish, you can make contact. It's pretty straight forward really. You look at the picture and you try and imagine her lips around your cock. Then, you read how silly the profile is and you make a determination whether her personality and an evening of chitchat corresponds to the quality of the head you'll get in return during part 2 of the date.

Here's a pretty womans profile:

I am a very active person (some people would call me a little hyper-active), loving and affectionate, sometimes to a fault. Would one day like to meet my soul-mate if he exists. Love working out (good for the mind, body and soul). Don't like mind games. When I care and love somebody there are no holes barred. Want to be able to see the world. Very adventurous and like to take chances, will try anything once. If this sounds like it's up your alley you know what to do!!

Here's my pick-up lines:

S Momma,

You made one of the funniest typo's of all time. I know that nobodies ever said anything, which is sort of sad really given most folks here are fairly literate :) You wrote when you love and care....there are no holes barred, the expression is there are no holds barred. You just infered some awesome sexual entendre :) LOL

Despite the typo, or in spite of the typo, I'm hitting on you right here and now! I love your profile and you are just adorable. Should you have interest, I would be honoured to explore.

Norm

She hasn't fixed her profile yet, nor responded to me. It's sorta too bad, 'cause that's a chick I want on my arm :)

I Got An Idea For A Reality TV Show

They got the Batchelor, they got fatso Batchelor, They even got blind speed Batchelor.

I need a producer for Old Lecker Batchelor. And a pile of 18-25 year old sluts with a serious I like daddy complex all vying for a typical loser, like me.

Apply within.

Newsflash: It's Raining...And Other Musings

I made a discovery. Genetic engineering is amazing. I just ate a watermelon that was round, the flesh was dark red, sweet and it didn't have any seeds. They should re-engineer broads. Replace their ability to talk w/ simply being submissive sluts.

I went to the race track today and pretended I was Valentino Rossi. I hit 10,500 RPM in 4th gear, that was fun. Wow, was I flying. The rush of being on a track in a crowd of bikes was exhilerating. I came in last. A guy went down in front of me. That musta hurt.

A woman just told me her cup was half full. I said don't worry, I like small titties.

I have just converted to Atheism

Today while stepping outside to talk to a colleague I had to go by a another colleague that took a time out for a little dovening. Yupper, the dude was outside sitting on a picnic table singing happily to the Hebrew text. Back inside, the Muslim dudes steadily passed by my desk on thier way to a demo room with the ceremonial carpet to say thier dutiful prayers.

On one hand, fucking sweet! Racial tolerance. No hatred or animosity. I work in an unusual invironment. All race, creed and sex get along with complete tolerance. But it finally dawned on me that all these mega-religious folk don't agree on who God is. And who am I to judge who the real God is. SO, moving forward, I am officially Atheist. No more agnostic view.

God sucks. He causes war and hatred. She has created turmoil since her invention. The irony is the people at my office aren't suffering. My colleagues are all good decent kind folk. It's too bad the rest of the world can't get it right. As for me, I'm not wasting another minute praying to the wrong dude. Factor in Jesus and I've got a 1 in 3 shot of getting it right. I not going to rot in hell for praying to the wrong deity.

Weather Report

Woman Required -

Oy, I just rejected and ejected my last girlfriend.

I require a woman to adore and worship me. Ideally she will be 30 years old without children and have no desire to have any. Occasionaly she should enjoy rough sex. Hopefully she is employed, and knows when to change from a lady into a whore and back again without instruction, honouring me all the while.

If a person hooks me up with this dame they get 13 virgins in heaven, or a daypass to the massage parlor. 4-hands all day w/ all you can release happy endings.

If it's you that found me my future love, I promise a wonderful fun-filled life. Oh and listen, I don't discriminate - If you're 45 and still have a tight ass or maybe have kids but are a bi filthy pig I'm open to listening to your value proposition. :)

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