My Life Has Become A cartoon

So I'm out last night with a woman that had her tongue in my mouth 30 seconds into the date. A sexy, intelligent and very funny woman. Drinks, dinner and she starts raping me roughly in my idling car outside the restaurant. I'm intoxicated and in the drivers seat while fighting her off of me. I'm thinking it aint gonna look good to the passing police that we're having drunken sex in public. I'd rather be lonely than incarcerated. Maybe it's me - I can attract em, but then I don't know what to do with them. Meanwhile, anybody have a cure for a seriously bitten nipple?

If I had a choice, I'd do the link below, before another nite of thrills like above.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gbP4oWa1iyE&NR=1

Sometimes, it's better to just sit at home.

He should stop running nitrous!

A Minnesota man has pleaded guilty to driving his motorized La-Z-Boy chair while drunk. A criminal complaint says 62-year-old Dennis LeRoy Anderson told police he left a bar in the northern Minnesota town of Proctor on his chair after drinking eight or nine beers.
Prosecutors say Anderson's blood alcohol content was 0.29, more than three times the legal limit, when he crashed into a parked vehicle in August 2008. He was not seriously injured.
Police said the chair was powered by a converted lawnmower and had a stereo and cup holders.
Sixth Judicial District Judge Heather Sweetland stayed 180 days of jail time Monday and ordered two years of probation for Anderson. His attorney, David Keegan, did not immediately return a call for comment.

A Fall Sunday Morning - SUCKS! And A Developing Love Story

I won't go outside. I prefer my fresh air room temperature, maybe hot but not cold. Why the fuck do I live at a latitude so far north? Were my forefathers idiots? I can't wait for global warming to rectify the situation, I gotta move south.

I started the dating process again. I just wrote the funniest letter to a woman I am really looking forward to meeting. It's an award winner and justifies my impending behaviour. It's neat to have discovered the secret of being attractive to women. Humour, sometimes self-deprecating, a certain degree of humility and just enough self-confidence (ya gotta keep that shit in check!) alway's wins the day.

Here's the letter:

M,

So listen to this - I just thought of you. I was in church, singing a psalm, rejoicing in the love of sweet baby Jesus (despite being Jewish) and boom! You flooded my head. Despite suddenly being being confused about why I was wearing tefilin and a yarmulke in the confessional, I had two choices. Either tell the Father about what I invisioned happening Tuesday nite, or rush home and write you a funny flirty note. I woulda called you, but oh no, you wouldn't give me your f*.cking number. I trust you have a great day and a better tomorrow because the day after, you meet me. I look forward to it :)

----,---'--@

Norm